i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
