I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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