please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
then he tried to convert me to islam
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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