I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
