I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
