just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
