Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
