I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
