Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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