My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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