Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
