i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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