The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
