Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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