Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
