end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
