I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
