just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
