he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
