sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
