worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
