Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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