The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
