He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
