someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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