Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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