Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
