It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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