No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
