I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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