Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
