And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
