shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
