So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
