Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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