from now on my penis is your penis
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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