she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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