I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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