I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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