im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish i was in the wii world.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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