Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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