Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
one two three fourrrrnication!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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