If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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