I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
