Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
