Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
