We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
