The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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