fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
