I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
