Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
