So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
