it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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