this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
