I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
