you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
