I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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