The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
