just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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